I don’t really like to say that anyone gives anyone else a bad name. The “bad names” that people assign to different groups of people are largely base excuses for their own predetermined prejudices, and I’d just as soon have no part of it.
But everyone once in a while, you encounter someone who exemplifies such a level of straight up foolishness that you cannot but think to yourself “Dude, you are so not helping the cause.” The above example is one of those cases.
I did not become a vegan to be cool. I did not become a vegan so that people would somehow think better of me. In fact, the only person I became a vegan for was myself. I became a vegan so that I could remove myself from the system that relied on antiquated and inhumane ways of procuring animal products in an easy and cost efficient way. Even with this in mind, I thought I would have a more positive response from long-befriended acquaintances when I told them about my new found compassion. But the sentiment that was echoed by an old college friend of mine seems to be the prevailing opinion: “Aw man, you used to be cool.” Ouch.
I didn’t quite understand their objections until I saw this note posted on passiveaggressivenotes.com. Because, much to my chagrin, this is the way that a lot of people view vegans. We, my friends, are largely not perceived as we perceive ourselves. I am sorry to say that anyone who has taken a vow of no suffering and proudly declares themselves to be a vegan is, for the most unfortunate part, seen as a sanctimonious pain in the ass. And people like the author of this note are the ones to blame.
Now, before you whip out your dicks and start taking a collective piss all over my dashboard, please let me say that I am not criticizing the spirit of this note. I happen to be a particularly hardened & insensitive asshole. When people cook meat in my kitchen (which happens often, as the only vegan in a household of three other omnivores), I am not as sensitive to it as some other people might be. I can fully appreciate levels of sensitivity that may be more heightened than my own & have the utmost respect for people who cannot tolerate any violation of the values that they hold dear, even if they are not the ones committing those violations.
The part of this that really gets to me is the part where the note-writer whinges (and I’m taking some artistic licence here, but when I read over the note, all I can hear in my head is a high-pitched whining) “I’ve insinuated several times that I feel uncomfortable having animal products in our house. The reason I’ve settled with merely implying these feelings is to avoid an argument, awkward conversation, or an irritated note such as this one.” Well avoided, note-writer. Well avoided.
Y’know what? If your “getting serious about your veganism” was really that important to you, then having that argument or that awkward conversation would never have been a deterrent to you in the first place. If you really felt such an intense and gut-wrenching aversion to finding cheese in your fridge, then the very last thing you would have been thinking about should have been “Gosh, I really am not looking forward to having this uncomfortable conversation with my roommate.” If it fucking matters that much to you, have the balls to stand up and say so. And if they say “Thanks for the input, but I’m going to keep my deli meats in the drawer where I always keep them,” then you might very well be shit out of luck. Why? Because (and I’m making a huge leap of faith here) I’m assuming that said perpetrator of animal cruelty pays some portion of the rent and is entitled to live the way that they deem appropriate, whether it jives with your morals or not.
The world is made up of a plethora of different people. Some people share your views, and that rocks. Some people challenge your views, and that rocks too. Point is, you have a say in who shares a living space with you. If you are the type of person who honestly cannot stand the thought of opening up your fridge in the morning and seeing a quart of milk hanging out in there, you either need to be prepared to have some really difficult and awkward conversations with the person who splits your electricity bill, or you should start looking for some vegan roommates. Just as you would balk at the thought of changing your awesome vegan ways at the mere say-so of your housemate, don’t expect someone who’s not ready to be a vegan to suddenly drop all of their cream cheese-eating and burger-frying because you wrote them a very impassioned note.
Just sayin’.
